apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
