she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
