I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
And then my night got REAL pukey
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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