i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
