He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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