My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
