I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
