i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
