I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
