maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
