So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
