You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I need to align my fucking chakras
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