i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
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the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
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And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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