i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
