I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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