he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
