Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize