How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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