And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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