What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
