A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
