I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
