the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Randomize
