I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
