the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
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Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
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Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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