I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
