Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize