i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
