I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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