I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
