the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
