Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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