my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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