Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
