this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
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I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
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Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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