It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
