I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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