Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
