I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
