I bet he comes in French.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
