I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
