guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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