If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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