Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize