Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
