he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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