Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize