and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
