he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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