69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
