i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
