That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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