so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
