I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
