only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
