Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
