I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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