I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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