its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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