i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
