If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
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