if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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